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Ten things you never hear in church

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1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew!


2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes overtime.


3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.


4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I've been sending to TV evangelists.


5. I'll volunteer to be the permanent teacher of the Junior High Sunday School class.


6. Forget the denominational minimum salary. Let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do!


7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before.


8. Since we're all here let's start the service early!


9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.


10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment to the Lord like our annual stewardship campaign.

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Here is one no one has ever, ever heard. We don't need an offering today. or The baptistery has been used so much its worn out, we need a new one. or The front pew cushions need to be replaced because so many people fighting to sit there they are worn out. or We have so many people wanting to go visit the visitors, but not enough cars to take them. or Wednesday night prayer meeting has so many people wanting to pray we don't get out until 1 AM or The offering was so large it took two hours to count it by four people. or We are now going to start a third morning service. Finally we have so many people wanting to help in VBS we had to have a second one.

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Many of those things are happening in Asian churches--but I don't know anyone being sent to the Bahamas.

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Many of those things are happening in Asian churches

I look forward to the day when Asian churches and the global south are sending lots of missionaries to the U.S. We need them and it would complete the circle.


BTW, welcome @GaoLu!

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The U.S. has been becoming more and more a very culturally diverse nation. It's becoming more and more difficult to go to those various countries As missionaries -- so the 'mission field' has been coming to Us,


There's a Korean service on TV on Sunday mornings. A Lot of outreach in this country.


A person doesn't need to become involved in official home missions to Be a home missionary.


Are we possibly becoming too content in our neighborhoods -- we don't want to rock a 'social' boat? I remember Years ago - husband was in local Bible college and we were getting to know another young couple with a baby. The mom wanted to get a VBS started in their neighborhood but was running into reluctance in their neighborhood. I was 'suggesting' that Maybe she could go to get to know their neighbors better and find out if there was a particular reason For their reluctance. She was a little leary of doing that -- she said they Live in this neighborhood and don't want to cause a Problem. And That was 40-some years ago.


I Do like that list of 10 things you never hear in churches.


One pastor was suggesting in a conversation before church started that Maybe they should install a conveyor belt for the rows of church pews. People usually sit in the last rows -- so as each 'last row' was filled - that row would automatically move forward.


And in one church we were in for a while -- as the pastor started the service , he noticed that the entire front 10 rows or so were empty -- the middle section and end were full. So - he asked for volunteers to please relocate closer to the front of the auditorium - so that he could be preaching to a more 'local' congregation. A bunch of them did.

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5 hours ago, HelpIWasAFish said:

One thing I have never heard in church..... An organ played reasonably well. 

The church I attend doesn't even have an organ.  We have a band consisting of keyboards, guitars, and drums.  The church has a piano but I don't remember it ever being used for regular services.

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