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mmmorriss

My Christian girlfriend and I are having a hard time remaining virgins

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Hi everybody. I don't know if this is the right place for this post but I noticed some similar posts here so anyway... I'm 21 and I have a girlfriend (beautiful inside and out) that I've been dating for a couple years. We're both Christians and virgins and are committed to not having sex before marriage. I love just hanging out with her and stuff but I often end up wanting to have sex with her and I know it's so wrong. For a long time I thought I was alone in this feeling but the other day she said she feels the same way. It's so hard not to have sex or think about sex with your girlfriend before marriage. Now I think marriage is a real possibility between us. I'd like to marry her trouble is we're both 21 and in college and in no position financial or otherwise to get married. So I don't see it as anything happening too soon if it does at all (I hope we can get married someday). I know it's wrong to have sex before marriage I'm not asking if it's okay. I should note that we do kiss sometimes and kind of snuggle in the least sexual ways we know how that might be sin too? What I'm asking is what should we do? Has it turned into a sinful relationship? Should would we break up because of it? I'd really hate to because I do love her. We like to do a lot of fun innocent things together just like friends would do: go to movies, restaurants, like to go to church together and read the Bible and pray. But then these feelings come along and it seems so contradictory and sinful. Honestly both of us feel so ashamed about it what should we do?

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Hi everybody. I don't know if this is the right place for this post but I noticed some similar posts here so anyway... I'm 21 and I have a girlfriend (beautiful inside and out) that I've been dating for a couple years. We're both Christians and virgins and are committed to not having sex before marriage. I love just hanging out with her and stuff but I often end up wanting to have sex with her and I know it's so wrong. For a long time I thought I was alone in this feeling but the other day she said she feels the same way. It's so hard not to have sex or think about sex with your girlfriend before marriage. Now I think marriage is a real possibility between us. I'd like to marry her trouble is we're both 21 and in college and in no position financial or otherwise to get married. So I don't see it as anything happening too soon if it does at all (I hope we can get married someday). I know it's wrong to have sex before marriage I'm not asking if it's okay. I should note that we do kiss sometimes and kind of snuggle in the least sexual ways we know how that might be sin too? What I'm asking is what should we do? Has it turned into a sinful relationship? Should would we break up because of it? I'd really hate to because I do love her. We like to do a lot of fun innocent things together just like friends would do: go to movies, restaurants, like to go to church together and read the Bible and pray. But then these feelings come along and it seems so contradictory and sinful. Honestly both of us feel so ashamed about it what should we do?

 

G'day mmmorriss,

 

If you're burning in passion towards one another you both should get married. You're putting off what Scripture says for worldly ambitions. A ring from a pawn shop doesn't cost much. And the church you belong may marry you for free if next to nothing. It costs very little to file for a marriage certificate. Call around to various churches, they may require you and her to fulfill premarital counseling. Also, some churches only marry within membership.

 

As to whether your relationship is sinful, Paul says that if one is burning in passion that they should become married 1 Corinthians 7:9. I personally do not believe in dating but courting. That is, only one person should be sought for the purpose of marriage. When I was courting my wife I decided beforehand to marry within a year, if not I'd break the relationship off when I knew marriage was not going to happen. To be attached to someone emotionally as you both are for such a great length of time without a vow or commitment puts you both in a world of unnecessary hurt should you go your separate ways. It is unhealthy to establish such emotional attachments outside of marriage. Obviously, the things you both feel now are because the feelings you have for one another should either grow or be pruned from your lives. They are to be enjoyed within the framework of marriage.

 

Don't get me wrong, but you shouldn't be shamed into marriage. Both of yous should be following Scripture because God is first in your union. A marriage covenant between one man and woman is under God to Glorify Him.

 

God bless,

William

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To build on what brother William said, if you are finding yourself in situations where you are tempted, then I would suggest only spending time together when there are other people around. Usually, parents are the best to have as chaperones, but if you have other people in your lives that you trust to help keep you out of temptation then just schedule events where you will be with a larger group than just the two of you.

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A pastor of a church I'd gone to some years ago said that when he and his future wife were dating in college -- he was having trouble concentrating on his studies cause his mind would wander to his girlfriend. They had been planning to wait until he graduated from college to get married. But as he asked for counsel from one of his instructors, the instructor said that he found that when students went ahead and Did get married that their grades improved. They were better able to concentrate on their studies and they were with that one person who they really wanted To be with. So they went ahead and Did get married. And that Was the result for him, also.

 

Sometimes it's seen as an endurance test -- how spiritual couples really are who are in the midst of schooling -- their goal is graduating and taking that first church or entering a music ministry. If a couple Can wait until graduation -- then great -- they want their focus to be on their education. They see the Big picture and they have the encouragement of their friends who are also engaged and waiting. But there's really nothing wrong with getting married part-way through their schooling experience.

 

It should be left up to the couple -- their goals and God.

 

And two years Is a long time to be dating. When the two of you know that you want the same things in life -- same goals , etc. Go ahead and get married.

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You could always do what some military couples do: get married now, then have the larger secular celebration for your families on an anniversary a year or so later, when you are in a better position. Having a big ceremony, party, and honeymoon aren't part of the marriage, they are just trappings.

 

For what it is worth, my husband and myself were in your position and got married in a small ceremony with the officiant and a few witnesses. Since we had both agreed what was important was the marriage not the wedding, neither of us minded. (What is amusing is that several relatives objected at the time, saying it is about the family, not the couple. Our marriage has now long outlasted all of theirs. I guess the couple does matter after all...)

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Well -- people Do marry the 'family' to a certain extent. We've never lived around family so it didn't really matter. A lot of my husband's family lived in the same general area. They could visit back and forth. Iowa compared to south Texas.

 

My husband is an independent sort of guy -- he went in one direction and most of the brothers went in another one.

 

The marriage is celebrating the union -- a new family is starting. Seems like there aren't that many big church weddings these days. Maybe finances play a part. Maybe more thought is being put into a house. And maybe there are more blended families these days.

 

Yes, the people Do matter. That relationship is Meant to be special. To be protected. Enjoyed.

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Hi everybody. I don't know if this is the right place for this post but I noticed some similar posts here so anyway... I'm 21 and I have a girlfriend (beautiful inside and out) that I've been dating for a couple years. We're both Christians and virgins and are committed to not having sex before marriage. I love just hanging out with her and stuff but I often end up wanting to have sex with her and I know it's so wrong. For a long time I thought I was alone in this feeling but the other day she said she feels the same way. It's so hard not to have sex or think about sex with your girlfriend before marriage. Now I think marriage is a real possibility between us. I'd like to marry her trouble is we're both 21 and in college and in no position financial or otherwise to get married. So I don't see it as anything happening too soon if it does at all (I hope we can get married someday). I know it's wrong to have sex before marriage I'm not asking if it's okay. I should note that we do kiss sometimes and kind of snuggle in the least sexual ways we know how that might be sin too? What I'm asking is what should we do? Has it turned into a sinful relationship? Should would we break up because of it? I'd really hate to because I do love her. We like to do a lot of fun innocent things together just like friends would do: go to movies, restaurants, like to go to church together and read the Bible and pray. But then these feelings come along and it seems so contradictory and sinful. Honestly both of us feel so ashamed about it what should we do?

 

You have a few answers here to your worries.. You can stay as you are, with the sexual tension and just wait it out until you are actually married, you can separate your relationship and wait until you are both ready to tie the knot.. Or you can hurry up and get married,..

you certainly don't need a big wedding.. It most certainly doesn't need to be expensive either.. You can get married in a wedding reception for very little money... You could ask friends and family for financial help as wedding gifts.. Or you could get a loan, but I honestly think there is no need.. You should tell your pastor your concerns,.. It might be very possible you could get a free wedding in your area.. You could even remarry something that's common here when your older and financially ready for a better setting if the big wedding is something you wanted.

 

just don't give in to your sexual temptations.. As this will certainly ruin you mentally as a Christian.. I lost my virginity as a red blooded naive teen,.. Before I fully commited to Christ and although I am abstaining from any kind of sexual activity now I do very much regret loosing my Virginity with such stupidity and not how we are commanded to.. Just my little advice.

 

welcome to the forum buddy.

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It is better to marry than to burn with sexual desire (1 Corinthians 7:9).

To engage in sex before one is married is worshiping Satan. Harsh but true. Please take heed. I wish I listened.

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