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bwch

21 year old Christian guy, never had a girlfriend

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I'm a 21 year old guy in college. I guess you could say I'm a natural born loner; I'm an only child never had many friends growing up. I'm shy and like being alone. I've never had a girlfriend or any relationship with a girl. That all being said I do enjoy my life and have been richly blessed. I was raised sort of Catholic though I didn't really know or care about God. But glory to God I got saved in Fall 2015. Anyway I believe in a literal interpretation of the Bible. I don't believe in premarital sex and take a lot of other views that are seen as radical in today's world though it's really just basic Christian doctrine. I've battled a bad pornography addiction before and don't want any sexual stuff in my life until marriage now. I do want a girlfriend and a wife and children someday but I'm uncertain of how to go about it. I have a really hard time finding girls who believe similar to me. One girl I liked was pretty and sweet and a Christian but wanted to have sex before marriage. It's just so hard. Without any siblings or close friends it gets kind of lonely. But thankfully I have God. Sometimes it seems like the Lord is the only one who really understands me. Anyway, I would just like some help and advice from older and wiser brothers and sisters in Christ. Thank you and God bless.

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Hi BWCH, first off, WELCOME TO CF :RpS_smile:

 

As for being lonely/wanting friends (and even a girlfriend), do you go to church? While I can't promise you that you'll meet your wife there, you will be spending time with your family whenever you do, your brothers and sisters in Christ, yes :RpS_thumbsup:

 

Yours and His,

David

 

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You've stated that you're a loner / like to be alone. I'm in my late 60's -- guys who are loners don't tend to make for good, up close relationships. At the age of 21 -- your hormones are wanting a wife and family. You've been a believer for two years. You've been in college -- what is your goal in college? I've got two sons who are in their 30's and early 40's. I don't foresee either of them getting married any time soon. The only thing worse than being single, is being married to the wrong person for the wrong reasons. So - my advice - is to be content in your singleness. Be a good Friend -- everyone can use a good, reliable Christian friend in their life.

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Don't look for a girlfriend but make friends with girls without the express purpose of something more.

 

I understand the whole being a loner thing because a lot of people are too dramatic or are all about getting wasted every weekend, and it's almost impossible to have real conversations when it's a group thing. But you could make some good friends with people who are more quiet like yourself.

 

Now onto being shy. Most of the time people who are shy and don't say much have the best things to say because they're on the outside looking in at what everyone else is doing instead of going with the crowd. They get to listen a lot instead of talk a lot.

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The point of a girlfriend is to have sex. I think if you had a pretty girl that wanted to have sex with you, and turned her down, you are probably gay. Try looking for a man.
If you believe that the POINT of having a girlfriend (or wife) is to have sex, then you will never have a meaningful relationship with anyone ever. People are not objects to be used simply for physical pleasures. Your understanding of what a relationship ought to be is warped and one sided.
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The point of a girlfriend is to have sex. I think if you had a pretty girl that wanted to have sex with you, and turned her down, you are probably gay. Try looking for a man.

 

That has got to be the most horrible advise I've ever heard.

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BWCH:

I Have a suggestion, take it for what it's worth. Here's where most people make their mistake, we run around like crazy trying to FIND the right person. What

we should be doing is spending the same amount of time trying to BE the right person. Because when we ARE the right person God will take care of it for us.

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BWCH:

I Have a suggestion, take it for what it's worth. Here's where most people make their mistake, we run around like crazy trying to FIND the right person. What

we should be doing is spending the same amount of time trying to BE the right person. Because when we ARE the right person God will take care of it for us.

 

Absolutely -- BE the right person.

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"There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God the Creator, made known through Jesus Christ."

~ Blaise Pascal

www.christianitytoday.com/iyf/hottopics/faithvalues/8c6030.html

 

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God doesn't intend for everyone to marry. He wants some to remain single so they can serve him without the distractions that come with having a family.

 

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:32-35 ESV)

 

Instead of worrying about not having a girlfriend you should ask God what he wants you to do and then begin doing it. If God intends for you to marry he will bring you in contact with the right person if you serve him faithfully.

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