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lindbergh

Having Multiple Partners - Does this depend on religion?

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Obviously, Islam allows men to have multiple wives but Christianity does not. If you are an atheist and you see a Muslim who has four wives, would you consider it as acceptable? What if you would see a christian man who has four girlfriends, would you consider that a sin? is good and bad, right and wrong determined on what religion you believe in? Of course we all know that it is universally wrong to kill a person. It is universally wrong to steal. But what about having multiple partners? Is it universally wrong to have multiple partners or is it acceptable?

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Obviously, Islam allows men to have multiple wives but Christianity does not. If you are an atheist and you see a Muslim who has four wives, would you consider it as acceptable? What if you would see a christian man who has four girlfriends, would you consider that a sin? is good and bad, right and wrong determined on what religion you believe in? Of course we all know that it is universally wrong to kill a person. It is universally wrong to steal. But what about having multiple partners? Is it universally wrong to have multiple partners or is it acceptable?

 

Hello lindbergh,

 

Welcome to Christforums!

 

Lemme ask you this, if you are married and see another woman and lust after her what does Jesus say? He says you commit adultery. So what gives? Here's a great article to begin with, after you read it perhaps we can discuss the topic more at depth? Polygamy

 

God bless,

William

 

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Obviously, Islam allows men to have multiple wives but Christianity does not. If you are an atheist and you see a Muslim who has four wives, would you consider it as acceptable? What if you would see a christian man who has four girlfriends, would you consider that a sin? is good and bad, right and wrong determined on what religion you believe in? Of course we all know that it is universally wrong to kill a person. It is universally wrong to steal. But what about having multiple partners? Is it universally wrong to have multiple partners or is it acceptable?

 

From a Christian perspective it is wrong to have multiple wives. From a secular perspective, it would vary based on the person. I guess many people would think polyandry is alright if all the partners voluntarily became a part of it.

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I think it boils down to one's religious beliefs. Marrying a Muslim man, I would know what to expect then it would be my choice whether or not to take that step. Being of the same faith, the women would be accepting of the practice and they normally treat each other with love and respect. I am a Christian so I will shun the practice and even if my partner is not a Christian, he could never have more than one wives. In my country the practice is unheard of! Whether you are a Muslim or not.

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Islam and some pagan religions permit people to have more than one wife. And in the OT people could marry numerous wives if they pleased but that's because God didn't expressly demand that they marry one wife. However when Jesus came He made it clear that — "a man [shall] leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh" — the two shall become one flesh. Not the three or four. The two. That's why Christians shouldn't have more than one wife.

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Having multiple wives may depend on religion or culture. Both of my great-grandfathers had more than one wife because the idea was to have as many children as possible to look after them and to keep the name in their culture. I think one grandfather did too, but it was never spoken of as he had abandoned my grandmother.

 

On a personal level I don't feel it's right and when I do read stories of people that have multiple wives it is usually a religion, because most western countries consider it bigamy to be married to more than one person. I for one would not wish to share a partner, plus I am sure it would be confusing for children trying to figure out who is the mother, or why they have more than one. Even when my mother talks about a grandmother that was the second wife (no blood tie) I get very confused as to who was who, but was or still is tolerated in some cultures and not just in religious circles.

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I cannot imagine the emotional scarring that must occur in these cases. Relationships are simply not meant to work this way. Marriage is meant to be for one man and one woman, (regardless of what the U.S. government thinks) not for one man and three women or whatever. Those women have to agree to something completely unnatural. How do you make decisions as a team? Do you have to set up a 'round table' type of meeting? Or perhaps the husband is the only one making decisions? However it works, it has to be difficult for those women who are more soft-spoken, who don't always get their point made in such a situation. I would hate having to defer to another woman in regard to decisions made with my husband. I would also hate having to 'share' him. Good heavens, those women in these relationships who smilingly claim that it doesn't bother them? They have to be lying through their teeth, as there is no way that it could never bother them at all.

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Both of my great-grandfathers had more than one wife because the idea was to have as many children as possible to look after them and to keep the name in their culture.

Were your great-grandfathers Mormons?

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I always like it when someone points out that the Patriarchs (Abraham, Isaac, Jacob) had multiple wives ... I snicker and think about how well that worked out for each of them. ;)

Study the family dynamics of Jacob's house some time. Don't miss the meaning of their names. I thought I grew up in a dysfunctional family until I read about Joseph's family dynamics.

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You are not suppose to have multiple wives. That's the bottom line. Using Islam as a comparative is also a bad choice. They treat women like dogs. rape women as young as the age of 9. Do Christians do that?

 

Also, how would you feel if you r wife decided to have a second or third husband. Doesn't sound to cool now does it?

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I am not defending a cause as I am not in support of it. Just out of curiosity I asked the question because I live in a country where it happens. Men having more than one child brides in this 21st century where persons should not be lacking knowledge. This is the computer age and everything we need is right at out fingertips. I personally would not share a partner, I don't see the need and that would just cause riots and conflicts.

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In the Old Testament, there were a couple of men who had multiple wives, and who had sexual relations with woman who were not their wives. I personally don't like polygamy or polyandry because I don't see it as a fair relationship. The only exceptions would be when people live in extreme circumstances. There is a village in the Himalayan Mountain where most of the families have mostly sons, partly because they kill the daughters. So they will marry off all their sons to one daughter because there is a shortage of women. I can understand that, because they live in such a place and no one wants to grow old and die alone. But I'm understand it less when there are enough men and woman for people to get married properly. I try not to judge even if I disagree because most people who are in polygamous relationships exist in a culture that accepts it and usually their parents married them of young. So some of the people didn't get a say in their relationship. Many Asian cultures have their parents arrange it or hire a matchmaker who fits their family expectations. People are kind of bound by the culture they live in, so I don't think its my place to really judge even if I don't think it's fair or right.

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I am a Christian and as such, I follow Christian tenets which includes monogamy. I know that in the Old Testament, God gave out laws to govern divorce, but Jesus has made it clear that this was done to protect the rights of the divorcees and because of the hardness of man's heart. People who engage in polygamous relationships are obviously on a different fence and not are not Christians. I would hate to condemn people because of their faith, but I know how negative feelings, thoughts, and situations are engendered by unfaithful relationships even if these are condoned by their culture. I would also blame it on the level of education that these women have. Christian or not, I value my being and my household, and I expect the same level of faithfulness.

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I think polyandry is fine if all parties are going into it voluntarily. Of course everyone has different views about it, and even though some may be all for allowing people the freedom to do what they wish with their lives, they themselves would never be part of such a practice. I am one of those people. I do not believe in having more than one partner, whether you are a man or woman, but I do think that we should allow others to make that choice for themselves. It all comes down to individual preferences and we cannot make this choice for others any more than we can live their lives for them. This is a very important topic especially in my part of the world, South Africa, where according to the official statistics almost eighty percent of all married men have at least one mistress on the side.

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@Corts What bothers me most is that they are making that decision for the children of everyone involved as well. What consenting adults did in the privacy of their bedroom that was "nobody's business" destroyed two marriages and irreparably harmed the lives of two spouses that did nothing wrong, plunged two sets of children through a trauma that studies indicate is WORSE than the death of a parent and resulted in a new family built on two people who already know their spouse cannot be trusted. Only one of the seven children from those three marriages went on to get and stay married. Most chose drugs or suicide to escape the pain left by those scars.

 

Respectfully, I can not view marriage as an individual choice with no repercussions beyond those involved.

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Well I wish that I had more of a Biblical memory when it comes to these issues like @atpollard seems to have, but I really do not so I just have to depend on my overall feelings of religion and faith. I am curious about what other religions stance on the issue is, and while I know that it is practiced some places here in the United States, I still do not even really know much about that or where that is (I just know it is in Utah somewhere). I could stand a little history and Bible lesson on the whole issue to be quite honest.

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From an anthropological view, it is the male gender of most mammals which lead a "herd or group" of underling males and concubescent females. Apes, horses, elk, moose, sheep, etc all have one male leader who pretty much does what he wishes with the females as long as no other male contests and wins the leadership position through battle.

From finding good things to eat to yes, sex, mankind has copied a lot from watching animals and their routines so it isn't too far fetched for the male gender of mankind to direct his "passions" to more than one mate and even include that same rite within his religion.

 

Now, all that said, let's look at Adam and Eve as an example. God did not create Eve, Alice, Mary and Helen to be Adam's help mates. Just Eve. One was enough.

Then, if we wish to look at Abraham and Sarah, it wasn't until Sarah refuted God's message and declared to Abraham that she couldn't conceive, that she gave him the hand maiden, Hagar, so Abraham might have an heir. I guarantee that if Sarah had listened to God in the first place, we would not have the kinship of Ishmael lopping off heads today.

 

All through Biblical history, every single person reported to have more than one wife had major problems stemming from the practice of having multiple wives. Even the 31st chapter of Proverbs only speaks of one wife and one husband. To piggy back on an earlier post, Jesus did indeed condemn such a practice by tieing adultery and lust together when a man or woman looks at another who doesn't belong to him/her with lust in their heart.

 

On the lighter side, show me a man who has 5 or 6 wives and I'll show you a guy who spends a whole lot of time away from home or has locked himself in another part of the house.

AND:

If a man cannot serve 2 masters equally, then how in the world can he take care of two or more wives equally. Can't be done partner!!

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