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Babylon Bee


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About Babylon Bee

  1. MARTHA’S VINEYARD, MA—According to reports, former President and First Lady Barack and Michelle Obama have purchased a $15 million dollar home sitting atop 29 acres of land on Martha’s Vineyard, where they look forward to spreading their wealth around. The post Obamas Promise To Spread Their Wealth Around New $15 Million Estate appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  2. U.S.—Americans held their collective breath when they saw the headline “Amazon on Fire,” as they knew this would have dire, worldwide consequences. They felt a huge relief, though, when they found out that the Amazon being referred to was merely the South American rainforest and not the internet retail giant. The post Americans Relieved To Find Out The Amazon That's Burning Is Just The Rainforest appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  3. PEACEVILLE, AR—Reverend Karen Wokestein wanted her church services at Peaceville United Methodist to be affirming of people of all races, genders, orientations, faiths, and sins. So, she got an idea after watching some footage of a recent Democratic Socialists of America event: she would allow church members to interrupt the proceedings at any time with their point of personal privilege. The post Progressive Church Allows Anyone To Interrupt Sermon With A Point Of Personal Privilege appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  4. SEATTLE, WA—Amazon has opened its new Predestination Prime for signups, a handy new subscription service that sends you the things you were predestined to order from eternity past. The post Amazon’s New Predestination Prime Service Just Sends You Stuff You Were Going To Order Anyway appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  5. SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In a move to make sure criminals are treated fairly, San Francisco has instituted a policy of referring to "convicted felons" by the much more politically correct term "elected officials." The post San Francisco Changes Term 'Convicted Felons' To More Politically Correct 'Elected Officials' appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  6. BRONSONVILLE, IL—Aspiring entrepreneur Christopher Jenkins recently graduated from Harvard at the top of his class. He is fit, friendly, inviting, and has a good grasp of the English language. He has good hygiene and a knack for problem-solving. He is 99% perfect. The post Man’s Attempt At Appearing Professional Ruined By Man Bun appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  7. WORLD—Reality has come under fire for not more clearly distinguishing itself from satire. The post Reality Criticized For Not More Clearly Distinguishing Itself From Satire appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  8. U.S.—A new study surveyed everyone on planet earth and found that of all the 7.7 billion people on the planet, you are definitely the most oppressed one. The post Study Confirms You Are Most Oppressed Person On Planet appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  9. WASHINGTON, D.C.—After President Trump touted himself as the "King of Israel" and the "second coming of God," he was feeling pretty good about himself, now pretty much being confirmed as the rightful president of both America and Israel. The post Horrified Trump Learns What Happened To Last Guy Who Called Himself King Of The Jews appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  10. U.S.—As a recession seems to be looming in the nation, financial advice experts are recommending Americans prepare for the worst. The post Financial Experts Recommend Breaking Into Your Neighbors' Houses And Smashing All Their Pots To See If They Have Any Rupees appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  11. SAD HILL, NM—Sources close to local father Gary Henderson confirmed that the electrical engineer and father of three is able to whip out his multi-tool like a hardened gunslinger reaching for his trusty six-shooter anytime a member of his family needs something cut. The post Dad Whips Out Multitool Faster Than Old West Gunslinger Whenever Anyone Needs Something Cut appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  12. TEL AVIV—Representatives Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib were denied entry into Israel, but that wasn’t going to stop these two clever women from visiting the country they hate so much. So they hatched a plan, and it almost worked. The post Tlaib And Omar Try To Sneak Into Israel Stacked On Top Of Each Other Inside A Trenchcoat appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  13. WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a press conference Wednesday, President Trump announced he was born of a virgin and is the chosen one who will bring balance to the Force. The post Trump Announces He Was Born Of A Virgin And Will Bring Balance To The Force appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  14. WASHINGTON, D.C.—Republicans are often calling Trump's loyalty to their party values into question, claiming Trump seems to have become a Republican out of convenience after being a Democrat for many years. The post Trump's Loyalty To Republican Values Questioned After He Actually Does Something To Defund Planned Parenthood appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  15. U.S.—A troubling new survey released by The Babylon Bee confirmed Wednesday that too many people think Snopes is a real fact-checking website. The post Concerning Survey Finds Too Many People Believe Snopes Is A Legitimate Fact-Checking Website appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
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