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Babylon Bee

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About Babylon Bee

  1. WORLD—A bizarre new cult submerges its converts in a tiny pool, sources around the world confirmed. The post Bizarre New Cult Submerges Converts In Tiny Pool appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  2. HAMPTON, NV—Hampton Totally Not Baptist Community Church had a problem: its members were struggling with sin. The post Church's Sin Problem Eliminated After Pastor Posts 'Sin-Free Zone' Sign In Foyer appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  3. SAN DIEGO, CA—While sailing off the La Jolla coast Friday, a man tragically drowned after falling off a boat and being lost at sea. He could have been saved, but the other passengers who witnessed him topple over the railing spent too long debating what to yell to inform the captain that he had fallen. The post Man Drowns As Politically Correct Passengers Struggle To Describe What Just Went Overboard appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  4. U.S.—Many on the left are extremely concerned with the racist behavior of President Trump, especially with recent remarks telling non-white citizens to “go back” where they came from, and are trying to raise the alarm bells about how harmful that behavior is. The problem is, no one seems to be paying them any attention, despite the fact that they’re very experienced in warning people about racism, since they’ve done it about absolutely everything for decades straight. The post People Who Have Screamed 'Racism' For Decades Wonder Why No One Is Listening To Them About Trump appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  5. NEW YORK, NY—An all-new "Evidence for Atheism" exhibit opened at the Freedom from the Sky Fairy Museum was revealed to just be a large, empty warehouse during its opening weekend, sources confirmed Friday. The post New Evidence For Atheism Exhibit Just Large Empty Warehouse appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  6. BERKELEY, CA—According to a police report, a squad of enraged mutant turtles emerged from a Berkeley manhole late last night in order to kick the crap out of whoever decided to rename it a "non-gender-specific personhole" throughout the city code. The post Enraged Turtles Emerge From Berkeley Manhole To Kick The Crap Out Of Whoever Decided To Call It A 'Non-Gender-Specific Personhole' appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  7. PHILADELPHIA, PA—At a campaign stop Thursday evening, presidential candidate Bernie Sanders assured the nation that his proposed switch to socialism wouldn't threaten those who wished to keep their means of production. The post Sanders: 'If You Like Your Means Of Production, You Can Keep Your Means Of Production' appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  8. U.S.—A new Uber service called UberJog promises to let you call an expert runner to go on a run on your behalf. The post New Uber Service Will Go On A Run For You appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  9. PORTLAND, OR—Local millennial man Brandon Waller saw his friends posting their selfies from a new app that makes you look older. The post Millennial Horrified As Old Age Filter Shows Him Living On His Own, Working Steady Job appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  10. PHOENIX, AZ—Local Christian gamer Kyle Lambert finally got around to playing smash-hit video game Grand Theft Auto V and its multiplayer component, Grand Theft Auto Online. But he ran into a problem when he realized the majority of the game was about hijacking vehicles, running over pedestrians, getting involved in gang wars, and evading the police. The post Christian Playing 'Grand Theft Auto' Obeys All Traffic Laws appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  11. U.S.—President Trump's usually strong support among Baptists has finally come to an end after video emerged of him dancing. The post Trump Finally Loses Baptist Support After Video Emerges Of Him Dancing appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  12. HOUSTON, TX—As a tribute to the 50th anniversary of its fake moon landing, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration has announced a reboot of the staged event that fooled billions worldwide, only this time featuring an all-female crew. The post NASA Announces All-Female Remake Of Staged Moon Landings appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  13. ANCHORAGE, AK—Bryan and Heather Ginsling were overjoyed to find out they were expecting their first child last year. Finally, early this morning, the time came, and the Ginslings welcomed a healthy, 7 pound, 8 ounce little girl into the world. The post Doctor Congratulates New Father And Hands Him Official Book Of Lame Jokes appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  14. U.S.—A new Facebook event proposes storming a U.S. Space Force base in Florida and stealing the official plans to the United States military's Death Star, which is currently under construction by the executive order of Donald Trump. The post Facebook Event Proposes Storming Space Force Base To Obtain Trump's Death Star Plans appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
  15. BROOKLYN, NY—Local man Peter Martin was living a normal life. He was energetic, good at his job, and kind to everyone he met. The post Man Bitten By Radioactive Cat Just Lies Around House All Day appeared first on The Babylon Bee. View the original full article
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