My name is Kyle. I am a 23 year old former Marine. I have been a "Christian" my whole life, but I feel like I am still learning what that word really means. I was raised in an Independent Fundamental Baptist Church in Toms River, New Jersey. I never questioned the church or my parents. I just played along, and did what I was told to do. when I turned 17 I starting dating a girl in my high school and started to experience some feelings most teenagers do. I began to resent the church, and my parents. I always felt like I was missing out on a real childhood. I began experimenting with alcohol, pornography, and a sexual relationship with my girlfriend at the time. We never had sex, but we engaged in other sexual activity. We thought we were in love and that made it acceptable. She ended up leaving me for another girl, and was impregnated by him. I was very angry and confused. I thought we agreed on the standard of not having sex before marriage. At age 19 I left home to join the Marine Corps. I served for 4 years, and was back and forth with God. I wanted a relationship with him, but I could not seem to build a relationship of substance that lasted longer than two weeks. After my service I came back home.
Within a year my grandma passed away and my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. This is where I am now. this is not much of a testimony, but more a sharing of my ever continuing journey. I am still trying to learn what God wants from me, and how to please Him. I desperately need His presence. I seem to consistently fail and sin; then I spiral downward away from God. Only to rally and "fix myself up" and return to God for a short time. My mom is still alive, but I do not know how much time she has left. I found this forum and I felt God could use it to connect me with other seasoned Christians who maybe have been through trials and have grown from them. Please reply and leave me some thoughts and words of wisdom! Thank you and God bless!