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Bliss

Was I being unreasonable?

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A quick intro-

 

This is concerning my mother, she has just recently got married again for the third time. I did not attend her wedding as her only child.

 

my reasons for not attending-

 

I see my mother as an adulteress, my mothers first marriage ended in divorce because they had a car crash & he left her for dead, (so I've been told anyway) I don't see this as a biblical reason for divorce..

anyway her second marriage was to my father, 25 years of marriage.. Ended when my dad died of cancer, so they never divorced.. My main issue for not attending her latest wedding is due to her seeing a new man which now her husband while she was still married to my dad, all going on while my dad was dying which I'm finding it very hard to get over.. And has tore me apart psychologically.

 

my mother stole my dads possessions he left me, and I had various other issues with her over the last few years not being there for me etc etc lying about me etc.

 

whether my mother had sexual intercourse with the new man while still with my dad I am not sure of.. But it's 100% true there was a lustful relationship going on, which I find difficult to come to terms with. Hence why I refused to attend her latest wedding.

 

my mother regards herself as a godly Christian woman which is the most shocking part of it all.

 

so my question is do you think I was unreasonable to not go to her wedding? Should I forgive her for having a lustful relationship with another man while still married to her husband (my dad) ?

 

I feel guilty, I feel guilty that I have abandoned her in my life due to her repeated utmost sinful nature, but she's unwilling it seems to change her behavior.

 

I would like personal & biblical opinions. Thanks.

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G'day Bliss,

 

I can't wrap my mind around you believing she is still married to your father. She was not married but a widow and free to remarry.

  • 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
  • Romans 7:1-3 Or do you not know, brothers—for I am speaking to those who know the law—that the law is binding on a person only as long as he lives? For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.

Pretty explicit? Sorry brother, but I believe you are wrong for not attending your mother's wedding if on the basis that she is still under an already made marriage vow - which traditionally are only binding "while we both shall live".

 

Now IMO - I suggest that if you believe she had done you wrong with your father's possessions, that you go to her in person and confront her, that is, as your sister in Christ. You may want to follow the biblical pattern for such as taking along a witness. And while there, you may want to also apologize to her for not attending.

 

God bless,

William

 

By biblical doctrine she shouldn't have married the 2nd husband which was my father, wouldn't that make her an adulteress based on biblical divorce laws?..

 

I hear you, I may have not worded correctly as I use my phone, I fully 100% understand that vows end when a partner dies, that is doctrine basics and I am aware of this isn't an issue here..

 

By biblical rights she shouldn't have married my dad due to her first marriage reason for divorce isn't biblical in my understanding please correct me if wrong

 

 

Matthew 19:9

 

And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

 

this wasn't a reason for my mother divorcing her first husband,

 

 

Regarding her marriage with my father she broke this biblical understanding in my opinion.

 

 

Matthew 5:27-28

 

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

 

please bare in mind that this was & happened before my dads death & while she was still married under vow, her having lustful relations elsewhere.. My dad died a year after this happened.

 

This is my argument.

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Yes, on the second marriage she may of been an adulteress, but her wedding vow to your father was made under God and recognized as a real covenant. Remember the woman at the well? She had five husbands. And in Timothy the requirement for eldership is to be the husband of one wife, because any divorce and remarriage leaves us with multiple living spouses. The first time your mother and father engaged in sexual intercourse, that first marriage was dissolved, it was a Covenant broken, and the new marriage consummated. Though while the spouse shall live they are counted.

  • Deuteronomy 24:1-4: When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, 2 and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man's wife, 3 and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, 4 then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God gives you as an inheritance.

The remarkable thing about these four verses is that, while divorce is taken for granted, nevertheless the woman who is divorced becomes "defiled" by her remarriage (verse 4). The prohibition of a wife returning to her first husband even after her second husband dies (because it is an abomination) suggests very strongly that today no second marriage should be broken up in order to restore a first one.

 

Remember, this isn't an unforgivable sin, and can be forgiven if repented from. Now repentance doesn't mean two wrongs make a right. In other words, it was wrong for her to divorce her first husband and enter into a second marriage, however, another wrong would be to break her new vow with God and return to her previous husband which is strictly forbidden in Old Testament Law. If we have made a vow foolishly and realized we cannot or should not keep it, we should confess it to God, knowing that He is “faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). A broken vow, while serious, is not an unforgivable matter if taken to the Lord in true confession. God will not hold us to vows made imprudently, but He expects us to obey Jesus and refrain from making vows in the future.

 

Your mother could of very well repented of her first divorce, and imo became a true widow after her second husband your father passed which leaves her free to remarry. She was given no option according to Old Testament Law to return to her first husband.

 

Under the Old Testament Law, brother Bliss, you "were" in quite a predicament:

  • Deuteronomy 23:2 “No one born of a forbidden union may enter the assembly of the LORD. Even to the tenth generation, none of his descendants may enter the assembly of the LORD.

God bless,

William

 

It's to my understanding that while in marriage you shouldn't be having lustful relationships with other men.. Which she was having, with one man in particular which she married last month, hence my reason for not attending. I think loyalty during marriage is not only morally important but also biblicaly,

 

while I know scriptures of forgiveness are important, her not being loyal to my father during her marriage with another man I couldn't condone her new marriage as I see it as adulterous according to [h=3]Matthew [/h] But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

 

 

 

while I respect your opinion I am still unsure of my guilty conscience, I am not sure I could have forgiven myself if I attended, it's also biblical for a mother to hold certain behaviours towards me which I feel she's failed on. It's not a fact that I'm unhappy that she's married to another man that isn't my father, not correct.. I would have been happy & attended if she was morally pure and started a new relationship after my father died, which wasn't the case.. She started a new relationship while still married to my father, I am a little shocked you condone this if I am completely honest but you're opinion is wanted.

 

adulteress or not.. She is a fornicator, having sexual activity with all men before marriage, I was born a year before her marriage to my father.. So yes I was doomed from the very start.

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Are you guilty of this, Bliss?

 

God bless,

William

 

I have many sins.. Many undesirable thoughts, sexually immoral behavior isn't one of them. Although I have lost my virginity it was long before I fully became a Christian, sex before marriage isn't something I desire..

although I do believe sexually immoral behavior pre marriage isn't as sinful as being an adulterer during marriage. Marriage should be a commitment to a sole partner till death, and I view it as a promise to god. Which I view my mother broke.. And I am positive 500 years ago she would have been stoned to death for her behavior.

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So you suggest that sexual immorality isn't a problem, but you confess that you lost your virginity before becoming a Christian? In other words you violated the seventh commandment. Isn't this the very same commandment you broke which you accuse your mother of?

 

By the way, by your admission, you're still violating the seventh commandment:

 

The seventh commandment forbiddeth all unchaste thoughts, words, and actions. The sins forbidden in the seventh commandment, besides the neglect of the duties required, are, adultery, fornication,, rape, incest, sodomy, and all unnatural lusts; all unclean imaginations, thoughts, purposes, and affections; all corrupt or filthy communications, or listening thereunto; wanton looks, impudent or light behaviour, immodest apparel; prohibiting of lawful , and dispensing with unlawful marriages; allowing, tolerating, keeping of stews, and resorting to them; entangling vows of single life, undue delay of marriage, having more wives or husbands than one at the same time; unjust divorce, or desertion; idleness, gluttony, drunkenness, unchaste company; lascivious songs, books, pictures, dancings, stage plays; and all other provocations to, or acts of uncleanness, either in ourselves or others. - Westminster Confession of Faith

 

My intent is not to condemn you, but I believe you do not fully understand the seventh commandment.

 

God bless,

William

 

No, I did not suggest that sexual immorality isn't a problem, actually I think it's the biggest problem & I was once a fornicator, but not during my time I was born again so to speak.

 

being sexually immoral during marriage or before marriage, do you class it as the same class of sin?

 

I can't see how being a fornicator before coming to Christ is anyway in the same stance as being an adulterer during god's vow of marriage as a Christian.

 

 

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Hey Bliss, the biblical view on marriage is very unpopular. You won't find many people that agree with it. Even here on a christian forum. Lots of people will quote the woman at the well and say you can have many husbands. But Jesus undid what Moses gave them remember. They were allowed to divorce because of the hardness of their hearts before the Holy Spirit came into the world to lead and guide us. Jesus took away all the petty reasons for divorce and said no more divorce unless someone is unfaithful. Paul added to it and said that if your abandoned by a non believer that your also not bound to your covenant. So your mom is the non believing spouse that left her first husband. How do we know this? Because the believing spouse that departs would remain unmarried or be restored to her husband. 1 Corinthians 7:10. Quite frankly it really doesn't matter if she gets a marriage license from whatever state she lives in, she is living in adultery. U.S. law does not trump Gods law. Just like God does not recognize a same sex marriage, regardless of whether or not someone has a peice of paper that says they are married.

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A quick intro-

 

This is concerning my mother, she has just recently got married again for the third time. I did not attend her wedding as her only child.

 

my reasons for not attending-

 

I see my mother as an adulteress, my mothers first marriage ended in divorce because they had a car crash & he left her for dead, (so I've been told anyway) I don't see this as a biblical reason for divorce..

anyway her second marriage was to my father, 25 years of marriage.. Ended when my dad died of cancer, so they never divorced.. My main issue for not attending her latest wedding is due to her seeing a new man which now her husband while she was still married to my dad, all going on while my dad was dying which I'm finding it very hard to get over.. And has tore me apart psychologically.

 

my mother stole my dads possessions he left me, and I had various other issues with her over the last few years not being there for me etc etc lying about me etc.

 

whether my mother had sexual intercourse with the new man while still with my dad I am not sure of.. But it's 100% true there was a lustful relationship going on, which I find difficult to come to terms with. Hence why I refused to attend her latest wedding.

 

my mother regards herself as a godly Christian woman which is the most shocking part of it all.

 

so my question is do you think I was unreasonable to not go to her wedding? Should I forgive her for having a lustful relationship with another man while still married to her husband (my dad) ?

 

I feel guilty, I feel guilty that I have abandoned her in my life due to her repeated utmost sinful nature, but she's unwilling it seems to change her behavior.

 

I would like personal & biblical opinions. Thanks.

 

I have always understood that the conscience is the mouth of the Holy Spirit and out of that God guides us. What your gut told you is what he said.

 

Do not second guess that which comes from him.

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