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John Calvin puts forward a very simple reason why love is the greatest gift: “Because faith and hope are our own: love is diffused among others.” In other words, faith and hope benefit the possessor, but love always benefits another. In John 13:34–35 Jesus says, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” Love always requires an “other” as an object; love cannot remain within itself, and that is part of what makes love the greatest gift.
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Innerfire89

Divorce by abuse.

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We know there's only two reasons for divorce, forinication and abandonment. Physical abuse isn't grounds for divorce, but can it be considered divorce in itself? One spouse divorces the other by abusing them?

Ehpeshians 5:22-28 tells us wives are to submit to their husdands and husband are to love their wives the same way they love their own bodies. Either husband or wife as the abuser is the opposite of this command.

 

​​​​​​​What are you're thoughts?

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According to Scripture, 1 Corinthians 7:11 A wife can leave her husband but "she must remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband." Abuse should not be tolerated. But I question what a wife would consider abuse. Would it be verbal, psychical, mental, spiritual, sexual? What one woman or husband would tolerate some other person might call abuse that is beyond what they can except.

 

Ephesians 5:21 tells us we are to be subject (submissive) to one another. Way too many men have held verses 22-24 over their wife' head like a club, which is unbiblical! Men had much more responsibility under God in way they are to treat their wife in verse 25. Who among us is able to love his wife as "Christ also loved the church gave up Himself for her."? I would venture to say not one single husband has loved his wife as the example Jesus Christ has set and expects to follow His example as the way to treat his wife. If a man treated his wife as Jesus taught us, no wife could ever be wanting to leave him.

 

Generally speaking there is usually some clue during engagement that the possibility of mate being an abusive person. Do not just get married in a rush. I suggest a year engagement so you can observe a person for a good length of time.

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According to Scripture, 1 Corinthians 7:11 A wife can leave her husband but "she must remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband." Abuse should not be tolerated. But I question what a wife would consider abuse. Would it be verbal, psychical, mental, spiritual, sexual? What one woman or husband would tolerate some other person might call abuse that is beyond what they can except.

 

Ephesians 5:21 tells us we are to be subject (submissive) to one another. Way too many men have held verses 22-24 over their wife' head like a club, which is unbiblical! Men had much more responsibility under God in way they are to treat their wife in verse 25. Who among us is able to love his wife as "Christ also loved the church gave up Himself for her."? I would venture to say not one single husband has loved his wife as the example Jesus Christ has set and expects to follow His example as the way to treat his wife. If a man treated his wife as Jesus taught us, no wife could ever be wanting to leave him.

 

Generally speaking there is usually some clue during engagement that the possibility of mate being an abusive person. Do not just get married in a rush. I suggest a year engagement so you can observe a person for a good length of time.

 

No man can love perfectly, but I would think that if the man treats his wife with hate then he stopped being a husband. Except for physical and sexual abuse, it would depend on the extent. And divorce is to be avoided, if the abuser is so abusive that they force their spouse to leave it seems like that would be no different than abandonment.

 

With the vereses in Ephesians it seems that believers are to submit to one another and wives are to submit to their husbands. But yes, fake Christian men use these verses to treat their wives like slaves and don't pay any attention to the part that says husband are to love their wives. But we know that woman was created as a helper for man, no one can help another by resisting.

 

An abusive person should be easy to recognize and a lot of times the abuse starts before they're married. But people are so focussed on marriage and romance that they don't think.

 

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According to Scripture, 1 Corinthians 7:11 A wife can leave her husband but "she must remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband." Abuse should not be tolerated. But I question what a wife would consider abuse. Would it be verbal, psychical, mental, spiritual, sexual? What one woman or husband would tolerate some other person might call abuse that is beyond what they can except.

Ephesians 5:21 tells us we are to be subject (submissive) to one another. Way too many men have held verses 22-24 over their wife' head like a club, which is unbiblical! Men had much more responsibility under God in way they are to treat their wife in verse 25. Who among us is able to love his wife as "Christ also loved the church gave up Himself for her."? I would venture to say not one single husband has loved his wife as the example Jesus Christ has set and expects to follow His example as the way to treat his wife. If a man treated his wife as Jesus taught us, no wife could ever be wanting to leave him.

Generally speaking there is usually some clue during engagement that the possibility of mate being an abusive person. Do not just get married in a rush. I suggest a year engagement so you can observe a person for a good length of time.

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We know there's only two reasons for divorce, forinication and abandonment. Physical abuse isn't grounds for divorce, but can it be considered divorce in itself? One spouse divorces the other by abusing them?

Ehpeshians 5:22-28 tells us wives are to submit to their husdands and husband are to love their wives the same way they love their own bodies. Either husband or wife as the abuser is the opposite of this command.

 

​​​​​​​What are you're thoughts?

 

Regardless if it’s grounds for divorce (I’ve read that abuse is a form of abandonment - not sure if I agree yet ) - Angie. Being abused needs to get away and get the police involved. That spouse deserves jail.

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I don't think that anywhere in the Bible you will find abandonment as a scripture reason for divorce. I fully understand why a person might think so.

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I don't think that anywhere in the Bible you will find abandonment as a scripture reason for divorce. I fully understand why a person might think so.

In 1 Corinthians 7:15

Paul says if an unbelieving spouse wants to depart then let them depart and the brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases. Most everyone agrees that not being under bondage would imply that the a believer would no longer have an obligation to live a life of celibacy but be free to remarry without it being adultery in such cases where they were abondeoned by a non believer.

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In 1 Corinthians 7:15

Paul says if an unbelieving spouse wants to depart then let them depart and the brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases. Most everyone agrees that not being under bondage would imply that the a believer would no longer have an obligation to live a life of celibacy but be free to remarry without it being adultery in such cases where they were abondeoned by a non believer.

 

"IF" you are referring to a unbelieving spouse, and they leave you as a Christian, then you are free to remarry. But Scripture says remarriage only to a Christian.

 

As a side note; a person might do well to wait and see if that unsaved spouse comes back, and just might be willing to come to Jesus. I admit those chances are slim.

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Abuse is not abandonment. That is simply something that people make up in there mind to justify adultery.

 

If it is a non Christian leaving yes that would be allowed.

 

But how many times have we seen people (Christians) remarry someone so much worse, with so many more problems

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I have no problem with someone who was abused getting a divorce and remarrying.. (I can't back it up with scripture)

 

Fredy; A lot depends upon the type of abuse. But to just make a blanket statement that abuse is a Biblical reason for divorce, I believe is wrong. Abuse us definitely a reason for leaving an abusive husband or wife 1 Corinthians 7:10,11. But divorce should never be an option for Christians. These Scriptures are the ones Jesus addressed concerning divorce. Matthew 5:32; 19:9; Mark 10:11; and in Luke 16:18. A careful reading of these verses shows how serious divorce is. There is only one reason Jesus gave that allowed for a Christian to divorce their spouse, only one reason IMMORALITY. Jesus said the root of problems in marriage is "hardness of heart."

 

In 1 Corinthians 7:10,11 There Paul gives more instructions concerning mixed marriages and Christian marriages where one of the spouses feels they must leave the marriage.

 

Divorce is a Covenant between each person and God. Divorce is NOT an option for Christians. The only exception is immorality. If a Christian divorced and remarried someone else that is ADULTERY. If anyone finds they have done this they MUST confess their sin of ADULTERY and repent. beyond this if God directed them they might be directed to go and confess this to their divorced spouse and ask forgiveness. The previous spouse may or may not be willing to forgive, but that is between them and God as you have been forgiven.

 

Divorce for Christians is very serious, No where are we told if a spouse has committed adultery we must divorce that spouse, God can heal any marriage where there are hearts willing to work things out. Sometimes it works our , sometimes there is just too much hurt to heal.

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I have no problem with someone who was abused getting a divorce and remarrying.. (I can't back it up with scripture)

 

Fredy; A lot depends upon the type of abuse. But to just make a blanket statement that abuse is a Biblical reason for divorce, I believe is wrong. Abuse us definitely a reason for leaving an abusive husband or wife 1 Corinthians 7:10,11. But divorce should never be an option for Christians. These Scriptures are the ones Jesus addressed concerning divorce. Matthew 5:32; 19:9; Mark 10:11; and in Luke 16:18. A careful reading of these verses shows how serious divorce is. There is only one reason Jesus gave that allowed for a Christian to divorce their spouse, only one reason IMMORALITY. Jesus said the root of problems in marriage is "hardness of heart."

 

In 1 Corinthians 7:10,11 There Paul gives more instructions concerning mixed marriages and Christian marriages where one of the spouses feels they must leave the marriage.

 

Divorce is a Covenant between each person and God. Divorce is NOT an option for Christians. The only exception is immorality. If a Christian divorced and remarried someone else that is ADULTERY. If anyone finds they have done this they MUST confess their sin of ADULTERY and repent. beyond this if God directed them they might be directed to go and confess this to their divorced spouse and ask forgiveness. The previous spouse may or may not be willing to forgive, but that is between them and God as you have been forgiven.

 

Divorce for Christians is very serious, No where are we told if a spouse has committed adultery we must divorce that spouse, God can heal any marriage where there are hearts willing to work things out. Sometimes it works our , sometimes there is just too much hurt to heal.

But to just make a blanket statement that abuse is a Biblical reason for divorce, I believe is wrong.

 

I think you misread my post. I said "I do not have scripture" to support my statement that "I have no problem with someone who was abused getting a divorce and remarrying".

 

Now, maybe I have a sinful attitude in reference to this topic ... that could be true.

 

Scenario: A woman marries a guy. He repeatedly beats the hell out of her. She leaves.

Given: We are to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.

Question: How do you in love tell this poor, beaten girl that she can NEVER have a husband and children unless she is "lucky" enough to have her current husband die? I couldn't.

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Fredy; I am not a judge on anyone, that's up to the Lord. But I can tell you only what the Bible says.

 

You don't say if her husband who beat her was a Christian. (and I can't see how he could say that) Is she a Christian? Now Fredy the law has nothing to do with this, we are no longer the law, we are under Grace now.

 

Is this situation real or is this a "situation ethics" type of question? I am thinking this ia just a sort of thing that maybe could happen, right?

 

I can assure you that there is a Biblical answer for every question we can think of as long as it is based on reality.

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If one claims to worship God and yet worship others (cf. 2 Kings 17:33) they have abandoned their covenant with God (2 Kings 17:38).

If one claims to love his wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25) and yet they beat her to a pulp then they have abandoned their covenant with her - and of course God..

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Fredy; I am not a judge on anyone, that's up to the Lord. But I can tell you only what the Bible says.

 

You don't say if her husband who beat her was a Christian. (and I can't see how he could say that) Is she a Christian? Now Fredy the law has nothing to do with this, we are no longer the law, we are under Grace now.

 

Is this situation real or is this a "situation ethics" type of question? I am thinking this ia just a sort of thing that maybe could happen, right?

 

I can assure you that there is a Biblical answer for every question we can think of as long as it is based on reality.

It is situation ethics. In the imaginary situation both spouses are Christians. It could happen; I am sure it has. I just want to deal with what I constitute as the hypothetical worst case that might substantiate a 'divorce and remarriage'.

My only biblical leg I have to stand on that I can think of is the command to love and have compassion on others. I don't want this poor creature to be deprived of children and a good spouse if that is her desire; a desire to be denied due to the unforeseen, sinful, cruel nature of another person and no biblical revelation that justifies divorce/remarriage in this circumstance.

 

 

I can assure you that there is a Biblical answer for every question we can think of as long as it is based on reality.
Every question? Smiles, well that does not address my thought directly so no need to go on a tangent.

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Assuming both are Christians, and the husband really is, counseling is the first step. If the husband goes that is a great step. If he refuses and she still feels threatened by his beating her as 1 Corinthians 7:10,11 she can leave him. She must remain unmarried. Often this step so brings the man to see she will not tolerate abuse any longer. This can make him seek help for HIS problem. If Christians are allowed to seek God in prayer for sometimes years before God can reach men's and women's hearts. One must remember God does not expect a wife to suffer abuse. God has provided a way for her not to be abused.

 

Take this to the next lever. He says the heck with this and files for divorce and marries someone else. She is now free to remarry a Christian only, as he committed adultery. This is the worst ending for both, but she has obeyed God and now is free.

 

I have counseled couples in marriage problems, serious problems. Not ONE took the time to allow God to heal their marriage, both were eager to find someone new. But how many people wind up with someone much worse? How many people took the time to find out what problems they brought into the marriage they had before jumping into the next marriage?

 

Divorce should never be an option for a Christian.

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By physically smashing a spouse is abandonment. They have desecrated God's sacred union.

That's true, but not a Biblical reason for Divorce, leaving yes, divorce no. Not my words, the words Jesus spoke Matthew 5.32 19:9

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1 Corinthians 7:15 teaches abandonment is grounds for divorce. The brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases. The opposite of being bound is being free. If the offended spouse can not remarry that is form of bondage/slavery.

I will also add that refusing to have sex with your partner is also a form of abandonment (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). Now I know there may be times when this is not possible such as sickness or perhaps one spouse needs to travel for a period of time.

 

In terms of your assertion that "Divorce should never be an option for a Christian" both Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 teach otherwise.

Edited by Faber
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Assuming both are Christians, and the husband really is, counseling is the first step. If the husband goes that is a great step. If he refuses and she still feels threatened by his beating her as 1 Corinthians 7:10,11 she can leave him. She must remain unmarried. Often this step so brings the man to see she will not tolerate abuse any longer. This can make him seek help for HIS problem. If Christians are allowed to seek God in prayer for sometimes years before God can reach men's and women's hearts. One must remember God does not expect a wife to suffer abuse. God has provided a way for her not to be abused.

 

Take this to the next lever. He says the heck with this and files for divorce and marries someone else. She is now free to remarry a Christian only, as he committed adultery. This is the worst ending for both, but she has obeyed God and now is free.

 

I have counseled couples in marriage problems, serious problems. Not ONE took the time to allow God to heal their marriage, both were eager to find someone new. But how many people wind up with someone much worse? How many people took the time to find out what problems they brought into the marriage they had before jumping into the next marriage?

 

Divorce should never be an option for a Christian.

Well stated. Again, I don't claim the theological 'High Ground".

 

Ironic, from my point of view, that she cannot get remarried if he beats her, but she can remarry if he 'beats her' and then 'remarries'. Her life regarding a choice to remarry is determined by what sinful acts another does.

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1 Corinthians 7:15 teaches abandonment is grounds for divorce. The brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases. The opposite of being bound is being free. If the offended spouse can not remarry that is form of bondage/slavery.

I will also add that refusing to have sex with your partner is also a form of abandonment (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). Now I know there may be times when this is not possible such as sickness or perhaps one spouse needs to travel for a period of time.

 

In terms of your assertion that "Divorce should never be an option for a Christian" both Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 teach otherwise.

Jesus gave only ONE reason for divorce IMMORALITY. if you so disobey God that so be it. Unless a unbeliever leaves that a Christian can not remarry. These are seriously strict rules for divorce. But God designed it that way. If a Christian finds they disobeyed these rules that forgiveness it possible 1 John 1:9. There are consequences for disobeying God. Far too many pastors have married couples that had no right to get married. Divorce is not an option for Christians except for immorality.

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Faber: Re: In terms of your assertion that "Divorce should never be an option for a Christian" both Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 teach otherwise."

 

I think Jesus is talking about fornication here. The remarried Christian is fornicating if he had sanctified his first marriage before God. He cannot remarry unless his wife has passed away. Nonbelievers are not bound and their marriages do not count. I do not believe in divorce for Christians, but my first marriage was not as a believer. In my first marriage: We went through the motions of sanctification, but we still were unbelievers. Does that make sense? :RpS_thumbsup:

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I think Jesus is talking about fornication here.

 

Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 refers to adultery.

 

1. BDAG (3rd Edition): On the other hand moixeia appears as porneia (cp. Sir 23:23) Hm 4, 1, 5. Of the sexual unfaithfulness of a married woman Mt 5:32; 19:9 (porneia, page 854)

2. William Mounce: Although Deut. 24:1 in principle permits divorce, Jesus also prohibits divorce (Mk. 10:2-12), granting it only on the grounds of the immoral spouse (Mt. 5:32; 19:9) (Mounce's Complete Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words, Marry, Marriage, page 441).

3 Joseph Thayer: used of adultery [(cf. Hos. 2:2 (4), etc.)], Mt 5:32; 19:9 (Thayer's Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament, porneia, page 532).

4. W. E. Vine: in Matt. 5:32 and 19:9 it stands for, or includes adultery; it is distinguished from it in 15:19 and Mark 7:21 (Vine's Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words, Fornication - porneia, page 455).

 

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