Luke warm, numb and kind of giving up

[Shellales 1]

Hi,

I'm from Canada.

I am struggling with my walk with Christ. I have slidden. I literally have no Drive for God. No motivation to read my word, to pray to really do anything. I can say my prayers and read the word all I want but my heart is so stale. It is so dead. God is not my priority what so ever. I go to church and I know all the right things to do...I don't want to be fake. I don't want to be a hypocrite. I used to feel condemned if I didn't read the bible... and I became this huge "work" for my salvation kind of person for the longest time. I felt so bad if I didn't pray and I didn't want God to get mad and send me to hell.. and then one day I just had enough and just stopped. My eating disorder is getting worse.. I was diagnosed with Maniac Depression - my biological mother killed herself when she was 21 years old due to depression...

 

I just turned 21.. Got married at 20.. was saved at 17 - delivered from a really abusive parent. God has really taken me through a lot...Baptized at 19. It is all God. I can look anyone in the eyes and say that God has gotten me through everything... It's just the fact that.. I have lost heart.. I am willingly to admit that I am so lukewarm. I am going to be spat out of the Lords mouth.

 

My worst fear has been....thinking that I am saved when I really am not. My worst fear is living a life where I think that I serving the Lord and I come before his throne and.. he doesn't know me. I usually pray that God will never let me go.

I was wondering if there was anyone out there who is willing to help me or just walk me through this.. who has been through this and can somehow share how they got through this? Or just... anything... advice?

 

I don't know if I should be really posting this but I'm kind of on my last straw... I don't know what else to do.

 

 

[Knotical 662]

First of all, welcome!

 

Second of all, when it comes to moments like these you really just need to focus on what you are thankful for, then start getting involved in different projects through your church. Even something as simple as helping out in Sunday School.

 

It is easy to get lost and distracted when there is a lot going on in our lives, but if you take a moment to take time for yourself to make an effort to getting closer with God you will be much better off for it.

[Pr2612 12]

Welcome!

 

I firmly believe that God sees your heart and that he honors what is in it. Any shred of desire to know him better is like an ember still burning from a campfire the night before. I believe that when you approach God with your ashes and embers, he will fan the flames if you only ask.

 

Everyone goes through down times in their spiritual walk. Sometimes, the people who are most desperately in need of admitting it are also the people who seem the least like it.

 

In a nutshell, don't be down on yourself. Also, don't be dishonest with yourself or with God. If you have questions or doubts that you think you just shouldn't ask about, that's probably the enemy telling you to stay alone so that you can't get help. I would strongly encourage you ask anything that's on your mind. You can even do it in this thread.

 

The most important thing for any Christian to do is to surround themselves with people who will encourage and spur them to further deepen their relationship with God.

 

Welcome. I'm glad you've taken that first step.

[theophilus 1,732]

I have gone through times when I felt the same way you do. I had no desire to pray or read the Bible. I got through those times but I can't give you any advice because l'm not sure how it happened. All I know is that at some point I found that I was able to pray and to read the Bible with understanding. Perhaps you should look for opportunities to help others. Focusing on other people rather than on yourself might help.

 

God never promised that we wouldn't have problems in this life but he did promise that he would bring us through them.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

(Philippians 1:6 ESV)

I will pray that God will bring you through the troubles you are going through and that you will come in contact with someone who can help you more than I can.