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John Calvin puts forward a very simple reason why love is the greatest gift: “Because faith and hope are our own: love is diffused among others.” In other words, faith and hope benefit the possessor, but love always benefits another. In John 13:34–35 Jesus says, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” Love always requires an “other” as an object; love cannot remain within itself, and that is part of what makes love the greatest gift.
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William

Are you feeling isolated?

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The more I relate with Christian single adults there is one fact that stands out more than others. Too many Christian singles withdraw from others and become isolated. The reasons vary from past hurts, to feeling “different” around others. Whatever the reason the movement to isolation is a very dangerous one for Christian singles.

 

Christian singles need to realize that isolation is the road to faulty perspectives. The cycle continues when a Christian single adult begin to “believe” what he or she has been told or experienced. Inner forces take over and automatically place a boundary on expectations. These boundaries influence how Christian singles approach, or do not approach, connecting with others.

 

Most Christian singles do not intend to withdraw and become isolated. Perhaps it is just an easier path to follow. One thing that I am certain is that Satan loves to contribute to the isolation of Christian singles. He is a general of spiritual warfare and believes in the principle of “divide and conquer.” A lonely, isolated person is much easier to persuade that all is lost and that they are of little value to others. These are lies in keeping with all his other lies.

 

Perhaps Christian singles are not aware that as they build “their new world” of singleness that Christian singles may be contributing to an unhealthy isolation. There are certainly times when we do need to withdraw for a “season” to process or listen to God. However, it is not good if Christian singles choose to isolate themselves. God designed us to connect with Him and with others.

 

How does one not become isolated? Here are some suggestions that I encourage Christian singles to consider:

 

1. Plan your activities so that you have frequent contact and exchange with others in a healthy and positive environment.

 

2. You have heard me state over and over in my writings to get a buddy. While it would be good to develop friendships with the opposite gender, the buddy that is most important for Christian singles is one of their own gender. A buddy not only helps you occupy your time, but will give you healthy feedback.

 

3. Find or develop a Christian singles group. I wish that more churches had vibrant Christian singles groups. If the church that you are attending does not have a Christian singles group, or a good one, find another church in your area and attend their activities for single adults. You can still attend your church’s regular services but the interaction with other Christian singles is very important.

 

4. If you find yourself with a huge propensity to be alone most of the time, I would encourage you to consider whether or not you are desiring to not face some issue buried within. Trained counselors are very effective at guiding Christian singles to uncover these issues and help Christian singles process to a healthier place.

 

5. Ask God to help you consider places where you can go to make new friends. The most intimate place we can be is when our spirit converses with God’s Spirit. God is planning for your good. I think it would serve you well to speak with Him about His plans.

 

You have a bright future. No matter what has happened or where you find yourself, pulling away from society is not the answer. The jewels of life are cherished friendships. Be such a friend and watch what develops. Christian singles are jewels that sparkle best with other Christian singles, not alone.

 

In His love,

Pastor Jim

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