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Taylor Swift Finally Breaks Theological Silence, Comes Out In Support Of Amillennialism

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NEW YORK, NY—Taylor Swift finally broke her long-standing unspoken rule of theological silence by coming out in support of amillennialism on her Instagram page Sunday.

The post Taylor Swift Finally Breaks Theological Silence, Comes Out In Support Of Amillennialism appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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Suicides -- Book Burnings -- in wake of Taylor Swift's coming out Amill.

 

Responses by pretribbers and premills were varied but drastic to Taylor's announcement.

 

One of the most dramatic of the suicides was one poor chap who doused himself with kerosene and struck a match as he jumped off Niagra Falls, screaming "Taylor is the AntiChrist!" as he plummetted down.

 

On the other hand, many of those who had been premills lauded Swift, joined her in embracing Amillennialism, and held a mass book burning where a huge pile of LEFT BEHIND books was ignited.  The cost of all these books was equivalent to the fifty thousand pieces of silver for the magic books burned in Ephesus in Acts 19..

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It is now pretty obvious that Taylor Swift is not the AntiChrist, but rather the mysterious figure of the woman in the basket in Zechariah ch 5.  The "two winged women" that fly her off to Babylon represent Amillennialism and Partial Preterism, respectively, and the "Wickedness" that the woman represents is Swift's former ambivalence to accept Amill and P. P.

2 minutes ago, Hitch said:

But the rapture really is close now

It's so close you wouldn't believe it

  • Toast 1

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We both missed it again, Hitch.

 

But take heart -- Taylor's new views include a teaching that instead of an ANY DAY RAPTURE

there will instead be an EVERY DAY RAPTURE; so we have lots of shots at it !!

a thousand years worth, and possibly longer, for the 1000 years is not necessarily LITERAL, but ongoing now, as well as already being concluded in the past

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1 minute ago, Anto9us said:

We both missed it again, Hitch.

 

But take heart -- Taylor's new views include a teaching that instead of an ANY DAY RAPTURE

there will instead be an EVERY DAY RAPTURE; so we have lots of shots at it !!

a thousand years worth, and possibly longer, for the 1000 years is not necessarily LITERAL, but ongoing now, as well as already being concluded in the past

I have the feeling that "Rapture" doesn't mean or convey the same thing or doctrine to various camps :classic_biggrin:

 

God bless,

William

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Taylor's team of scholars is already working on THE SWIFT REFERENCE BIBLE -- which will make Scofield's insignificant by comparison

  • Haha 2

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15 minutes ago, Anto9us said:

Taylor's team of scholars is already working on THE SWIFT REFERENCE BIBLE -- which will make Scofield's insignificant by comparison

Ya know what's funny about the whole thing? "Reformed" are stark opponents against so many other camps. A historical survey demonstrates that liberalism first gained root in the Presbyterian academic institution Princeton. Dispensationalism was likewise developed there making great strides and affecting Presbyterianism. Going back further in time as you know there was the rise of Arminianism, no pun attended by rise but please stand rather than sit while court is in "session". 

 

At least others can't claim that Reformed/Presbyterians are not open minded :classic_ninja:
 

10 minutes ago, Anto9us said:

Advance excerpts from SWIFT REFERENCE BIBLE indicate that "Rapture" can mean whatever one wants it to mean.

Don't mistaken allegory for the principals and methods of Amillennialism. Remember, the Amillennialism camp is by far the most popular Protestant eschatology both historically and in modern times. Protestant in that they follow Sola Scriptura and believe the best interpreter of Scripture is Scripture rather than a bible under one arm and a news paper under another.

 

God bless,

William

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Yes, and it was not just Martin Luther who said "Here I stand - I can do no other!"

It was early Arminians/Remonstrants at Synod of Dort, who had no choice but to stand the whole time.

 

Way back in time Princeton was "College of New Jersey", and as such they played Rutgers in the first game of American football... more like soccer than modern day football or rugby.

 

Dispensational Presbyterians and Wesleyan Covenantalism existed in the obscure mists of time; also Calvinistic Methodists like Whitefield and Toplady.

 

But the new Taylor Swiftism eschatology will include the best from the past as well as theology as yet undreamt of!

 

 

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19 minutes ago, William said:

I have the feeling that "Rapture" doesn't mean or convey the same thing or doctrine to various camps :classic_biggrin:

 

God bless,

William

Could be  but there is only one camp in which is could possibly be missed.

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2 minutes ago, Anto9us said:

Yes, and it was not just Martin Luther who said "Here I stand - I can do no other!"

It was early Arminians/Remonstrants at Synod of Dort, who had no choice but to stand the whole time.

Indeed, and councils contradict as Luther stated, but of course the early councils which followed the principals of sola scriptura are in harmony with later councils which follow the same pricipals. What really upset the Arminians in light of this is that they didn't have a leg to stand on. :classic_sleep:

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Or anywhere to stand if they did have a leg -- most of those early Arminians were driven out of Holland -- certain political goings-on were involved as well concerning William of Orange, rather than pure theology

 

SwiftSensationalism will devour Dispensationalism and replace it as a dominant popular eschatology.

Edited by Anto9us

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The sandwiches to be served at the inauguration of SwiftSensationalism and the release of the Reference Bible are going to be out of this world -- barbecued red heifer on shewbread

-- and the sauce will be from Taylor's secret recipe

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25 minutes ago, Anto9us said:

SwiftSensationalism will devour Dispensationalism and replace it as a dominant popular eschatology.

Ah, yes, sensational and simply fabulous. Swift now on the cat walk makes way to the pulpit. Looking like some fashion model from a glossy Italian magazine. High heel pickle stabbers and butterfly wings she opens the covers and climbs the tree. She stirs up emotionalism while dressed in black strap molasses and sporting rhyme stone shade sun glasses. Here it comes! Acceptance! The Pentecostal congregation goes crazy, must be some long time Woodstock fans, hands are raising and bodies are swaying!

Can I get an Amen!

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Amen and Amen!

 

 

And Taylor asked her closest fans:

"Who do people say that I, the new maid of Amillennialism, am?"
"Some say that thou art the whore of Babylon, some say thou art Margaret Macdonald, or Joan of Arc."

 

"But who say ye that I am?"

 

"Thou art just Taylor Swift."

 

 

I gotta say -- that I am HAVING FUN WITH THIS TOPIC!!

Edited by Anto9us

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9 minutes ago, Anto9us said:

Amen and Amen!

And Taylor asked her closest fans:

"Who do people say that I, the new maid of Amillennialism, am?"
"Some say that thou art the whore of Babylon, some say thou art Margaret Maconald, or Joan of Arc."

"But who say ye that I am?"

 

"Thou art just Taylor Swift."

And the new rapture begins, Spock sporting a beam me up Scotty t-shirt on one side and a rainbow on another says I cannot say what you are like for you are unique in which there is nothing to compare. Spock then saddles an ass and rides off into the sunset. 

 

LGBT reporters for the fancy Italian magazine say in delight, "we just love happy endings" 

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Taylor is flanked at the pulpit by Paula White and pastor Melissa Scott, who give their endorsements.

 

The red heifer bbq sandwiches are served -- Mike Pence supplies an endless amount of root beer -- real beer is supplied by Brett Cavanaugh; and of course there is water bottled by John the Baptist

  • Confused 1

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You guys are very bad. 

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7 minutes ago, Anto9us said:

Taylor is flanked at the pulpit by Paula White and pastor Melissa Scott, who give their endorsements.

 

The red heifer bbq sandwiches are served -- Mike Pence supplies an endless amount of root beer -- real beer is supplied by Brett Cavanaugh; and of course there is water bottled by John the Baptist

Baptist now flock to the pot luck like birds. CBN partners with the Kings' Tithers and debut the Baptist 500 Gallon Crock Pot. Whose in the mooo'd for some slow-cooked red heifer?

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the slow-cooked heifer is tender as the meat at a Baptist Wednesday night supper

 

various kinds of potato salad, with and without mustard, German potato salad -- cole slaw

 

the rock group FORTY GALLON BAPTISTS do a song to commemorate the 500 gallon crock pot

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16 minutes ago, Anto9us said:

the slow-cooked heifer is tender as the meat at a Baptist Wednesday night supper

 

various kinds of potato salad, with and without mustard, German potato salad -- cole slaw

 

the rock group FORTY GALLON BAPTISTS do a song to commemorate the 500 gallon crock pot

Journey keyboardist Neal Schon makes an appearance and on his arm is Michaele Salahi. Secret Service surrounding the Rapture and protecting Pence ask for an invitation. Concerned that these former Obama's White House dinner crashers are trying to ruin the event, they're quite surprised when the couple shows an invitation signed by none only than Journey's guitarist Jonathan Cain and now husband of Paula White.

 

Are you ready to Rock!

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we are ready to rock, but not many Woodstockers are still alive to lead things off

 

then various rockers of the past busted out of their graves and appeared unto many

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7 hours ago, Anto9us said:

we are ready to rock, but not many Woodstockers are still alive to lead things off

 

then various rockers of the past busted out of their graves and appeared unto many

Gene Scott places a stylish Churchill hat on his head adjusts the brim and as gently as a pimp's feather informs Melissa Scott they'll be having a discussion about partnering with CBN. Gene mumbling makes way towards none only than Charles Spurgeon. With cigars in hand they enter in a smoke filled room. Fine crafted brewed beer on tap, cigars, and smoking pipes a room full of Reformed with manly beards are toasting Luther. Secret Service asks Martin to repeat the line as they are laughing hysterically, "Here I stand", Luther struggles to stand let alone walk straight. Secret Service breaks down laughing saying "We're going to have to cite you!" The frenzied room can be heard from outside. The Baptist are quite disturbed by the alcohol.

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